Wow I thought this who knew

Have you ever wanted something so much yet to have it disappear from your grasp at a moments notice. Have you ever had a dream that never seems to be fulfilled no matter how hard you try. What if everything you did seem to get you nothing but opposition and everything there was that could stop you seem to be there in your way... I mean what would you do doesn't everyone deserve a chance or is it only for the really special ones, the popular ones, the rich ones. Whatever happened to justice for all freedom to pursue your happiness. Our fore fathers had a great idea when they came here they went about it wrong on most accounts but they did have a great idea some good some bad. Well lets say this started it it gave all of us out there the opportunity to dream to think about what we could accomplish in our lives to make it better to make it worse what ever we so wanted to happen at least for the most part. There is accounts where bad stuff happens to good people and good stuff happens to bad people etc etc etc....But to boil it down everyone has made a mistake some has been able to fix it some not some made such a mistake that it was not fixable in most eyes. But regardless of this fact we all dream we all want and we all have uncontrollable feelings. Did you think that you would be where you are today at all did you think that it would be exactly this way of course not no one ever really does don't fool yourself you can say yeah i did but hello lets be honest here there is at least one thing that was not on your list. For me its a lot but there are things I would not change for anything and then there are the many things i wish i could go back and change but i can't so your suppose to learn from those right well i must have slept through that class cause here I am and well I am 30 and I tell you I feel like a failure about the only thing that makes me happy is my children right now and even then they can ware your nerves i would not change them at all I love them with all my heart but sometimes I sit back and well wonder how I got here cause well only the lord knows but you would have thought I would be a little more advanced in life by now oh well the venting and thought process continues just thought i would write some of it down you know well good night all

Ok lets inlist some help

I am going to try something I have never tried before so I am going to enlist help from my fellow bloggers and readers ect.... As some of you know I read a lot and by alot I mean a lot so I have ask myself this before and never followed through with anything at all so now I think I should so I am asking you to read this post and comment with ideas I am going to attempt to write a book I mean why not I read all the time I have a high imagination should be cake right well not that easy obviously or I would not be asking you for those that will help or want to help it will not go unnoticed you will get honorable metion in the book getting it published well lets say I have a few ideas so lets have it ideas charecters anything you got lets see if you can do it....

The Must read list

Books read in last 4 months: Sail by James Patterson
Sunday at Tiffanys by James Patterson
The Quickie by James Patterson
7th heaven by James Patterson
Books read by Jodi picoult
Harvesting the heart
Change of Heart
19 minuits
Books on my list to read in next few months
Daniel X
Brahsinger*
Ink death
the lucky one and
christie and todd diary by Robin Jones Gunn
got any recomemendations* love to hear them

OH now what can I say!

Okay we all know now that it takes me forever to get to blogging. I just never can think of anything clever to say so I guess I will update everyone on my son Benjamin he is gonna be 8 mo in a week it has gone by so fast yet slow at the same time. He is now crawling and really wants to pull up on things but is not quite strong enough yet but it does not stop him from trying and complaining. He is talking some his words are dad, mom, bub, wy wy, ball, bath, fan, ba ba, bye kind of he will soon be undering sentences. Have you ever felt so proud and so i don't know confused at the same time I still have this strong urg to up and move away with my husband and children I feel like I am the black sheep so to speak of the family I have a big heart and as we all know it gets ripped out and stepped on constantly and I keep letting it happen and I do it all over again and again. I feel as though I am not good enough for anyone but the husband and kids sometimes not even them My siblings very rarely ever talk to me anymore I suspect that this is cause I do not fit in but I am who I am and I have always had this philosophy that if they do not like who I am then f@#k them. But how is it that it still bothers me why am I not good enough to talk to to ask for help to visit. This only proves to me how much I am not needed or cared for and makes me want to go even more I believe that I can do just fine on my own and it will be great I am feeling a great pull. The busy syndrome i totally understand cause I am just as busy there is never enough time in the day for anything yet I still would fit it in somewhere I mean for example my brother came over a Lil while ago out on a walk with his family brought my Lil mousers to see me I was so proud till I was basically told that my floor was not good enough for her to crawl on wow I mean wow my house is not dirty and I vacuum daily but yet they go that far my sister and I know that she will read this eventually is busy I know but somehow always manages to see my niece yet has came by to see my son Ben maybe four times and doesn't stay long this bothers me so regardless of the fact that she will read this i am writing it. Now lets talk about the church I love the preacher yet the church all of the sudden is so cliquish and no one talks to you anymore like you are friends or a family they look at you like you are an outcast and they judge like crazy is this why I feel so uncomfortable there who know all I know is I have tried and i am ready to give up talking to my empty chair helps so much yet at the same time I long for real friendship.

Life and Love

Life no one really knows what life is supposed to be for them or anyone else we can only guess but one thing is for sure there would not be and life if there were never love. So what is love agian it is different for everyone for me it is my family. My family are my treasures and God is a treasure that I hold in my heart. My life would be empty if it was not for jesus or my family everything would be different. I am the only woman/ girl in my house there is all boys/ men i have 3 boys of different ages and then theres my husband. My oldest son is 12 and every trial that you could think of follows that one pre teen attitude not to mention that he has known everything there is to know since he was able to talk but even though i may wish for an easier time with him i couldn't change him because he is a treasure and I love him. My middle child is 8and 1/2 and you have to say the half cause that is what he is hes the one who makes you laugh although his choice of humor could be better it does not matter that it is toilet humor you still have to laugh you can always count on him to put a smile on your face at some point in the day. and again I love him. Now for number 3 he is going on 5mos of age and we have faught with colic and upset bellys to sleeping through the night to not sleeping through the night he is a trial and nothing keeps him happy for very long but since theres 8 years difference between him and my middle child it is a learning experiance all over agian and I am sure that it can only get better and I waited we waited so long to get him he was our miricle that god gave us they are all miracles but it is a little different when you waited over 3 years to get him a ot of praying and docs saying it prob would not happen and then god gave us a beautiful baby boy and I love him and then there is my husband . what can I say about my husband he tries has no paitence but he trys and you have to love him for that he just needs some fine tunning even if he drives me a lil nuts I still love him. so I am surrounded by love and family and life would not be the same if I did not have the family I have today and the love that we share and we all no that one day our dreams will come true.

My top ten books to date

I have a habbit i read all the time and I mean all the time. So I thought that it would be fum to list my top ten books. Maybe youll read them maybe you won't but it is a great stress relief.
top mystery and crime bookis as follows.
James Patterson books such as 6th Target, Double Crossed, Crossed, and 7th Heaven.

I like romance novels even grat for the imagination.
any love inspires or suspenseful romance novels, kathren Anderson is really good. hey I know you all think that its sappy soft core porn well..... some yes but the stories are great.

All of the Harry Potter books those are among my top favorites if you have not read them yet please do so you will not regret it. The spider wick chronicals which i read to my oldest son and with him were great not to mention if you are in the FBI mood Catherine Coulter is excellent
If you feel like a love story but not like regular romances and a really good book try Nicolas Sparks novels like True Beliver, Nights in Rodanth, The Notebook ect. and I finally Jodi picoult books such as My sisters keeper try them and you will not be disipointed take the time even if it is ten min at night reading really lowers your stress.